One of the biggest myths about children with ASD is they all like being on their own. Children with ASD often desperately want friends, and in fact worrying about friends can cause them anxiety. Many children show this stress by becoming more withdrawn, which of course makes the situation worse.

For students with ASD a little extra support may be required to create friendships. For instance, when teachers allow children to select their own partners, children with ASD often are left out. Instead staff should consider who will be a good partner/friend to the child and be pro-active in pairing them. Good examples of opportunities for schools to support friendships are in seating arrangements, partner activities and group work.

Parents, I would encourage you to support the school by organising some out of school activities such as having children over for a play, meeting in the park after school or joining in after school activities which friends attend. This will allow some one on one time to develop new friendships.

Friendship is a Two-Way Street

Think about the skills you need to give both the neurotypical & neurodiverse kids to create an inclusive classroom.

Remember: talk about your own frustrations with friends, families etc. Often kids just see ‘fabulous friendships’ on TV and try to create these as the benchmark. Personally, I think we all have had friendships and relationships that have conflict. Share with children about your friends in Primary School, High School…. what happened, why. Share current frustrations too. Listen to the Podcast for more tips & strategies!

Why Teach This?

• Making and maintaining friendships is a constant challenge for people with ASD. Their inability to read social situations and recognise other people’s emotions can impact on their relationships.
• It is important to explore the nature of friendships with children with an ASD as they often have an egocentric view of friendship. They fail to understand that friendship is a two way thing and that it does not happen on demand.
• Children with ASD tend to be drawn to one of two more noticeable groups – either the most popular children in the class or the noisy, poorly behaved children who demand a great deal of the teacher’s attention. Children who would actually make good friends (the middle of the road group) tend not to be noticed by the child with ASD.
• Children with Asperger’s Syndrome in particular want friends but frequently burn these friends out by their inappropriate expectations of friendship. Parents and teachers have to reinforce and acknowledge these friends to help keep the friendships going. Having a number of friends, possibly a couple allocated to each day of the week can help alleviate the demands on the mainstream friends.